The Motel Room
Three businessmen are in Cleveland for a convention. Since they are on a budget, they decide to spend the night at a motel that charges $30 per night for a room ($10 per man). The motel manager is in a good mood that night and decides to reimburse some of the money. He gives the bell boy $5 and tells him to give it to the three men. However, the bell boy is dishonest and figures that you cannot divide $5 evenly among three men, so he gives back $1 to each man and keeps the other $2 for himself. Now, the businessmen have each paid $9 for the room, or $27 all together, and the bell boy has $2, for a total of $29. What happened to the other $1?
Rabu, 26 September 2007
Selasa, 18 September 2007
MAKANAN & MINUMAN PENURUN KOLESTEROL
Makanan dan Minuman Penurun Kolesterol
Satu lagi informasi yang mungkin dapat bermanfaat. Kali ini mengenai makanan dan minuman penurun kolesterol.Anggapan mengenai tingginya kolesterol dalam darah hanya bisa terjadi pada manula atau mereka yang usianya sudah kepala empat, sungguh salah besar.
Menurut dr. Suyanto Sidik Sp.PD dari RS Internasional Bintaro, Banten, kolesterol tinggi bisa terjadi pada usia muda, bahkan di usia belasan.
Tips menurunkan kolesterol:
Hindari atau kurangi mengkonsumsi makanan dan minuman berminyak, berlemak, dan mengandung kolesterol tinggi.Contoh: jeroan, kepiting, udang, kerang, kacang-kacangan, daging, santan, minyak, margarin, cokelat, dan gula.
OlahragaMenurut Prof. Dr. Walujo S. Soerjodibroto, Ph.D, guru besar FKUI - Departemen Ilmu Gizi, tubuh manusia sangat susah mengeluarkan kolesterol. Agar kolesterol tidak menumpuk maka harus dikeluarkan secara paksa. Caranya dengan banyak beraktivitas fisik.Lakukan olahraga rutin minimal 20 menit setiap hari.
Perbanyak konsumsi makanan dan minuman yang dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol.Semua buah dan sayuran mengandung serat. Jadi, semua buah dan sayuran juga mampu menurunkan kolesterol. Serat dapat mengikat kolesterol sehingga tak beredar dalam darah. Sedangkan vitamin C untuk homeostasis alias pengatur keseimbangan kolesterol.Yang perlu diingat, sayuran yang kaya vitamin C cukup direbus setengah matang. Kalau sampai matang, vitaminnya hilang.Jika sayuran atau buah-buahan dibuat menjadi jus, minumlah bersama ampasnya, karena ampas itu merupakan sumber serat yang mampu menurunkan kadar kolesterol.
Beberapa jenis makanan dan minuman yang dapat membantu menurunkan kadar kolesterol adalah sebagai berikut:BAWANG PUTIH - Konsumsi bawang putih setengah sampai satu siung sehari secara kontinyu selama satu bulan mampu menurunkan kolesterol sebanyak 9%. Harap dosisnya diperhatikan benar! Jika terlalu banyak, tak baik bagi kesehatan. Mengonsumsi lebih dari tiga siung setiap hari dapat menimbulkan diare, kentut, sebah, dan demam. Bahkan bisa memunculkan perdarahan lambung.
Salah satu zat antikolesterol paling kuat pada bawang putih adalah ajoene. Senyawa ini juga dapat mencegah penggumpalan darah. Walau bawang putih dimasak, kandungan senyawa ini tidak rusak. Pada 1981, peneliti dari Pusat Riset Obat-obatan di Tagore Medical College, India, melaporkan efek bawang putih mentah dan goreng yang diujicobakan pada 20 pasien dengan riwayat penyakit jantung. Menurut laporannya, terdapat pengurangan kecenderungan pembentukan bekuan darah pada pembuluh darah mereka. Ini ditunjukkan oleh aktivitas fibrinolitik yang meningkat. Penelitian juga mengemukakan, khasiat memang sedikit berkurang bila bawang digoreng, tapi tak terlalu bermakna. Jadi pandangan umum yang menyatakan bawang putih akan kehilangan efeknya bila dimasak adalah salah.
Khasiat bawang putih juga bergantung pada tempat tumbuhnya. Bawang putih yang tumbuh di tanah kaya selenium akan mengandung selenium yang tinggi pula sehingga manfaatnya sebagai obat antipenuaan akan lebih terasa.TEMPE - Sekalipun berasal dari rumpun kacang-kacangan, tempe sangat ampuh dalam menurunkan kolesterol. Tempe memiliki kandungan niacin yang mampu menurunkan kolesterol. Tempe mengandung niacin 5 x lebih banyak daripada kedelai. Selain juga mengandung isoflavon yang sudah teruji bisa menurunkan kolesterol.TEH - Menurut penelitian, EGCG (epigallocatechin gallate), yaitu komponen bioaktif paling dominan dalam teh terbukti mampu mencegah percepatan oksidasi kolesterol LDL (kolesterol jahat). Artinya dengan mengonsumsi teh setiap hari dalam jumlah yang wajar, risiko penyumbatan pembuluh darah penyebab penyakit jantung dapat dikurangi.ANGGUR - Selain serat, di dalam buah anggur terdapat pula zat catechin yang sangat baik dalam menurunkan kolesterol.APEL - Buah yang satu ini sangat terkenal kaya akan serat dan zat antioksidan. Sudah tentu apel pun kaya vitamin C. Maka dari itu, apel bisa juga diandalkan sebagai penurun kolesterol. Sebaiknya apel dikonsumsi beserta kulitnya, karena di kulit inilah terdapat kandungan pektin (serat larut yang ampuh sekali dalam menurunkan kadar kolesterol) dan antioksidan paling banyak.ALPUKAT/AVOKAD - Selama ini avokad dikenal kaya akan lemak. Tak heran jika buah ini selalu dijauhi manakala kolesterol sedang tinggi, padahal avokad sangat baik untuk menurunkan kolesterol. Buah ini mengandung asam lemak tak jenuh yang baik untuk menurunkan kolesterol jahat.BLUEBERRY - Buah blueberry mungkin dapat dijadikan salah satu pengobatan alternatif dalam menurunkan kolesterol di tubuh kita. Karena penelitian yang dilakukan para ahli di Amerika dengan menggunakan binatang pengerat memberikan hasil yang memuaskan dalam menurunkan kolesterol.
Walaupun ini baru merupakan penelitian awal, tapi telah memberikan harapan baru untuk mengembangkannya sebagai salah satu pengobatan. Penelitian ini diungkapkan pada pertemuan American Chemical Society.
Komponen yang ada dalam blueberry, Pterostilbene, menunjukkan efek yang menstimulasi protein reseptor yang ada dalam sel, yang berperan penting dalam menurunkan kolesterol dan lemak tubuh lainnya.
Kerja Pterostilbene ini, mirip dengan kerja dari obat penurun kolesterol, Ciprofibrate. Ciprofibrate ini efektif dalam menurunkan kolesterol dalam darah, tapi dapat menimbulkan efek samping seperti nyeri otot dan mual pada beberapa orang. Sedang blueberry, yang bekerja pada reseptor sel hati sebagai target kerjanya, akan bekerja lebih akurat. Sehingga efek sampingnya juga lebih kecil. Dalam penelitian ini juga tidak ditemukan adanya efek samping.
Penelitian lainnya pada blueberry, menyebutkan bahwa Pterostilbene mungkin juga dapat membantu melawan kanker dan diabetes. Dan juga tidak tertutup kemungkinan dipakai untuk mencegah kegemukan dan penyakit jantung.
Penelitian lebih lanjut pada manusia diperlukan setelah penelitian di laboratorium ini membawa hasil yang menjanjikan. Tapi yang tetap penting harus terus dilakukan adalah tetap melakukan aktifitas fisik yang disertai dengan pola makan yang sehat, banyak konsumsi sayur dan buah dan rendah lemak jenuh. Semua itu merupakan cara terbaik dalam menurunkan kolesterol dan risiko penyakit jantung.IKAN - Ikan sangat kaya asam lemak tak jenuh (omega3). Selain dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol dalam darah, asam lemak ini juga mencegah terjadinya pengumpulan keping-keping darah yang mengakibatkan penyumbatan pembuluh darah.
Berdasarkan habitatnya terdapat dua golongan ikan; ikan air tawar dan ikan laut. Habitat ikan memengaruhi kandungan zat gizi ikan. Ikan air tawar kaya akan karbohidrat dan protein, sedangkan ikan laut kaya akan lemak tak jenuh, vitamin dan mineral.
Tabel kandungan Asam Lemak Omega-3 per 100 gram
Jenis ikan
Asam Lemak Omega-3 (gram)
Tuna 2,1
Sardin 1,2
Salmon 1,6
Makarel 1,9
Herring 1,2
Teri 1,4
Tongkol 1,5
Tenggiri 2,6
Tawes 1,5
Kembung 2,2
Sumber:
Majalah Nakita
Info-sehat.com
Satu lagi informasi yang mungkin dapat bermanfaat. Kali ini mengenai makanan dan minuman penurun kolesterol.Anggapan mengenai tingginya kolesterol dalam darah hanya bisa terjadi pada manula atau mereka yang usianya sudah kepala empat, sungguh salah besar.
Menurut dr. Suyanto Sidik Sp.PD dari RS Internasional Bintaro, Banten, kolesterol tinggi bisa terjadi pada usia muda, bahkan di usia belasan.
Tips menurunkan kolesterol:
Hindari atau kurangi mengkonsumsi makanan dan minuman berminyak, berlemak, dan mengandung kolesterol tinggi.Contoh: jeroan, kepiting, udang, kerang, kacang-kacangan, daging, santan, minyak, margarin, cokelat, dan gula.
OlahragaMenurut Prof. Dr. Walujo S. Soerjodibroto, Ph.D, guru besar FKUI - Departemen Ilmu Gizi, tubuh manusia sangat susah mengeluarkan kolesterol. Agar kolesterol tidak menumpuk maka harus dikeluarkan secara paksa. Caranya dengan banyak beraktivitas fisik.Lakukan olahraga rutin minimal 20 menit setiap hari.
Perbanyak konsumsi makanan dan minuman yang dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol.Semua buah dan sayuran mengandung serat. Jadi, semua buah dan sayuran juga mampu menurunkan kolesterol. Serat dapat mengikat kolesterol sehingga tak beredar dalam darah. Sedangkan vitamin C untuk homeostasis alias pengatur keseimbangan kolesterol.Yang perlu diingat, sayuran yang kaya vitamin C cukup direbus setengah matang. Kalau sampai matang, vitaminnya hilang.Jika sayuran atau buah-buahan dibuat menjadi jus, minumlah bersama ampasnya, karena ampas itu merupakan sumber serat yang mampu menurunkan kadar kolesterol.
Beberapa jenis makanan dan minuman yang dapat membantu menurunkan kadar kolesterol adalah sebagai berikut:BAWANG PUTIH - Konsumsi bawang putih setengah sampai satu siung sehari secara kontinyu selama satu bulan mampu menurunkan kolesterol sebanyak 9%. Harap dosisnya diperhatikan benar! Jika terlalu banyak, tak baik bagi kesehatan. Mengonsumsi lebih dari tiga siung setiap hari dapat menimbulkan diare, kentut, sebah, dan demam. Bahkan bisa memunculkan perdarahan lambung.
Salah satu zat antikolesterol paling kuat pada bawang putih adalah ajoene. Senyawa ini juga dapat mencegah penggumpalan darah. Walau bawang putih dimasak, kandungan senyawa ini tidak rusak. Pada 1981, peneliti dari Pusat Riset Obat-obatan di Tagore Medical College, India, melaporkan efek bawang putih mentah dan goreng yang diujicobakan pada 20 pasien dengan riwayat penyakit jantung. Menurut laporannya, terdapat pengurangan kecenderungan pembentukan bekuan darah pada pembuluh darah mereka. Ini ditunjukkan oleh aktivitas fibrinolitik yang meningkat. Penelitian juga mengemukakan, khasiat memang sedikit berkurang bila bawang digoreng, tapi tak terlalu bermakna. Jadi pandangan umum yang menyatakan bawang putih akan kehilangan efeknya bila dimasak adalah salah.
Khasiat bawang putih juga bergantung pada tempat tumbuhnya. Bawang putih yang tumbuh di tanah kaya selenium akan mengandung selenium yang tinggi pula sehingga manfaatnya sebagai obat antipenuaan akan lebih terasa.TEMPE - Sekalipun berasal dari rumpun kacang-kacangan, tempe sangat ampuh dalam menurunkan kolesterol. Tempe memiliki kandungan niacin yang mampu menurunkan kolesterol. Tempe mengandung niacin 5 x lebih banyak daripada kedelai. Selain juga mengandung isoflavon yang sudah teruji bisa menurunkan kolesterol.TEH - Menurut penelitian, EGCG (epigallocatechin gallate), yaitu komponen bioaktif paling dominan dalam teh terbukti mampu mencegah percepatan oksidasi kolesterol LDL (kolesterol jahat). Artinya dengan mengonsumsi teh setiap hari dalam jumlah yang wajar, risiko penyumbatan pembuluh darah penyebab penyakit jantung dapat dikurangi.ANGGUR - Selain serat, di dalam buah anggur terdapat pula zat catechin yang sangat baik dalam menurunkan kolesterol.APEL - Buah yang satu ini sangat terkenal kaya akan serat dan zat antioksidan. Sudah tentu apel pun kaya vitamin C. Maka dari itu, apel bisa juga diandalkan sebagai penurun kolesterol. Sebaiknya apel dikonsumsi beserta kulitnya, karena di kulit inilah terdapat kandungan pektin (serat larut yang ampuh sekali dalam menurunkan kadar kolesterol) dan antioksidan paling banyak.ALPUKAT/AVOKAD - Selama ini avokad dikenal kaya akan lemak. Tak heran jika buah ini selalu dijauhi manakala kolesterol sedang tinggi, padahal avokad sangat baik untuk menurunkan kolesterol. Buah ini mengandung asam lemak tak jenuh yang baik untuk menurunkan kolesterol jahat.BLUEBERRY - Buah blueberry mungkin dapat dijadikan salah satu pengobatan alternatif dalam menurunkan kolesterol di tubuh kita. Karena penelitian yang dilakukan para ahli di Amerika dengan menggunakan binatang pengerat memberikan hasil yang memuaskan dalam menurunkan kolesterol.
Walaupun ini baru merupakan penelitian awal, tapi telah memberikan harapan baru untuk mengembangkannya sebagai salah satu pengobatan. Penelitian ini diungkapkan pada pertemuan American Chemical Society.
Komponen yang ada dalam blueberry, Pterostilbene, menunjukkan efek yang menstimulasi protein reseptor yang ada dalam sel, yang berperan penting dalam menurunkan kolesterol dan lemak tubuh lainnya.
Kerja Pterostilbene ini, mirip dengan kerja dari obat penurun kolesterol, Ciprofibrate. Ciprofibrate ini efektif dalam menurunkan kolesterol dalam darah, tapi dapat menimbulkan efek samping seperti nyeri otot dan mual pada beberapa orang. Sedang blueberry, yang bekerja pada reseptor sel hati sebagai target kerjanya, akan bekerja lebih akurat. Sehingga efek sampingnya juga lebih kecil. Dalam penelitian ini juga tidak ditemukan adanya efek samping.
Penelitian lainnya pada blueberry, menyebutkan bahwa Pterostilbene mungkin juga dapat membantu melawan kanker dan diabetes. Dan juga tidak tertutup kemungkinan dipakai untuk mencegah kegemukan dan penyakit jantung.
Penelitian lebih lanjut pada manusia diperlukan setelah penelitian di laboratorium ini membawa hasil yang menjanjikan. Tapi yang tetap penting harus terus dilakukan adalah tetap melakukan aktifitas fisik yang disertai dengan pola makan yang sehat, banyak konsumsi sayur dan buah dan rendah lemak jenuh. Semua itu merupakan cara terbaik dalam menurunkan kolesterol dan risiko penyakit jantung.IKAN - Ikan sangat kaya asam lemak tak jenuh (omega3). Selain dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol dalam darah, asam lemak ini juga mencegah terjadinya pengumpulan keping-keping darah yang mengakibatkan penyumbatan pembuluh darah.
Berdasarkan habitatnya terdapat dua golongan ikan; ikan air tawar dan ikan laut. Habitat ikan memengaruhi kandungan zat gizi ikan. Ikan air tawar kaya akan karbohidrat dan protein, sedangkan ikan laut kaya akan lemak tak jenuh, vitamin dan mineral.
Tabel kandungan Asam Lemak Omega-3 per 100 gram
Jenis ikan
Asam Lemak Omega-3 (gram)
Tuna 2,1
Sardin 1,2
Salmon 1,6
Makarel 1,9
Herring 1,2
Teri 1,4
Tongkol 1,5
Tenggiri 2,6
Tawes 1,5
Kembung 2,2
Sumber:
Majalah Nakita
Info-sehat.com
Selasa, 11 September 2007
Jokes in English for the ESL/EFL Classroom
A man is talking to God.The man: "God, how long is a million years?"God: "To me, it's about a minute."The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"God: "To me it's a penny."The man: "God, may I have a penny?"God: "Wait a minute."
Submitted by: Freshteh Sadeghi
Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Submitted by: Robert
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home. Submitted by: Willaim Greaves
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.A: Great! I never could before! Submitted by: Fred
Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.) Submitted by: Jillian H.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. Submitted by: Monirul Hassan
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see."
She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" Submitted by: Michael Trew
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?) Submitted by: Emily Mileski
(If you don't know what Limp Bizkit is, see the results of a Google search for Limp Bizkit.)
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket." The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?" The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!" Submitted by: Matty
This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.
A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)
A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
B: Still no idea.
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
Submitted by: Landa Eugene
Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L) Submitted by: George Hurlburt
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers. (Giants' nails.)
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
These need to be written.
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.
Depending on where you live, students will enjoy this one.
Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
Submitted by: Eric Stein
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)
Submitted by: Maria Zermani
Riddles of Alphabet
Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)
Q: What letter is a European bird?
A: J. (Jay)
Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)
Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)
Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".
Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.
Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.
Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise
Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".
Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".
Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".
Q: What is the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".
Submitted by: Mubarak Abdessalami
This is a bilingual English/Spanish joke-- especially good for a class of native Spanish speakers. It also illustrates an important gramatical difference between languages (genders of nouns).
An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, "Mira el mosca!" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, "No, senor, 'la mosca'... es feminina."
The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, "Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight."
Submitted by: Gary Cooper, Dallas, Texas
Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What has 6 eyes but can't see?
A: 3 blind mice.
Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
The teacher speaking to a student said, "Saud, name two pronouns."
Saud who suddenly woke up, said, "Who, me?"
Submitted by: Abu Jouri
Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
Submitted by: Abu Jouri
Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?
A: A carrot
Submitted by: Mariana GÛmez
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!
Submitted by: Ana CarriÁo, Portugal
This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer.
Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. What happened?
A: The customer had hiccups.
I've used this in many countries in Eastern Europe. It always works - a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.
Submitted by: Jenny Mitchell
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.(No-eye deer)
Submitted by: Pablo Ortega Ju·rez
ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with "I is a vowel".
Submitted by: Freshteh Sadeghi
Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Submitted by: Robert
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home. Submitted by: Willaim Greaves
A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.A: Great! I never could before! Submitted by: Fred
Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.) Submitted by: Jillian H.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. Submitted by: Monirul Hassan
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see."
She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" Submitted by: Michael Trew
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it. Submitted by: Zeinab Eltayb
Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit)
(Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?) Submitted by: Emily Mileski
(If you don't know what Limp Bizkit is, see the results of a Google search for Limp Bizkit.)
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket." The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?" The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!" Submitted by: Matty
This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke.
A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)
A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
B: Still no idea.
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
Submitted by: Landa Eugene
Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L) Submitted by: George Hurlburt
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers. (Giants' nails.)
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
These need to be written.
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.
Depending on where you live, students will enjoy this one.
Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
Submitted by: Eric Stein
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)
Submitted by: Maria Zermani
Riddles of Alphabet
Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)
Q: What letter is a European bird?
A: J. (Jay)
Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)
Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)
Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".
Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.
Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.
Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise
Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".
Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".
Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".
Q: What is the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".
Submitted by: Mubarak Abdessalami
This is a bilingual English/Spanish joke-- especially good for a class of native Spanish speakers. It also illustrates an important gramatical difference between languages (genders of nouns).
An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, "Mira el mosca!" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, "No, senor, 'la mosca'... es feminina."
The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, "Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight."
Submitted by: Gary Cooper, Dallas, Texas
Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What has 6 eyes but can't see?
A: 3 blind mice.
Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
The teacher speaking to a student said, "Saud, name two pronouns."
Saud who suddenly woke up, said, "Who, me?"
Submitted by: Abu Jouri
Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
Submitted by: Abu Jouri
Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?
A: A carrot
Submitted by: Mariana GÛmez
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!
Submitted by: Ana CarriÁo, Portugal
This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer.
Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. What happened?
A: The customer had hiccups.
I've used this in many countries in Eastern Europe. It always works - a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.
Submitted by: Jenny Mitchell
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.(No-eye deer)
Submitted by: Pablo Ortega Ju·rez
ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with "I is a vowel".
SMILE! & THE WORLD WILL SMILE FOR U!
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."
SMILE! & THE WORLD WILL SMILE FOR U!
Heart Surgeon
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running."
911
911 Call: A man called 911 and spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the dispatcher asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
Things To Ponder
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: "If you see me running, try to keep up."
- Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?
- You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Did you ever notice that Evian bottled water is Naïve spelled backwards?
- The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!
- A Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign: "This Parking Space Belongs To The Wizard. ... Violators Will Be Toad."
Kiss per Yard
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running."
911
911 Call: A man called 911 and spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the dispatcher asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
Things To Ponder
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: "If you see me running, try to keep up."
- Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?
- You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Did you ever notice that Evian bottled water is Naïve spelled backwards?
- The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!
- A Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign: "This Parking Space Belongs To The Wizard. ... Violators Will Be Toad."
Kiss per Yard
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
Sabtu, 08 September 2007
KIDS POETRY ;-))
My Teacher Calls Me Sweetie Cakes
My teacher calls me sweetie cakes.
My classmates think it's funny
to hear her call me angel face
or pookie bear or honey.
She calls me precious baby doll.
She calls me pumpkin pie
or doodle bug or honey bunch
or darling butterfly.
My class is so embarassing
I need to find another;
just any class at all
in which the teacher's not my mother.
My teacher calls me sweetie cakes.
My classmates think it's funny
to hear her call me angel face
or pookie bear or honey.
She calls me precious baby doll.
She calls me pumpkin pie
or doodle bug or honey bunch
or darling butterfly.
My class is so embarassing
I need to find another;
just any class at all
in which the teacher's not my mother.
KIDS POETRY ;-))
Deer Mrs. TeecherDeer
Mrs. Teecher,
This noat iz too say
that Brittney iz
undur the whether tooday.
So tho Brittney noes
how importent it iz,
she kant cumb too skool
fore tooday's speling kwiz.
;-))
Mrs. Teecher,
This noat iz too say
that Brittney iz
undur the whether tooday.
So tho Brittney noes
how importent it iz,
she kant cumb too skool
fore tooday's speling kwiz.
;-))
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